I K A R U S X C A E N v03 SIZZLE

Sat, 08 Oct 2005 03:37:09 GMT

Alright.

New journal.

augustxevenings

Comment over there if you want to be added/haven't already commented over here/spoken to me/aren't on the "important people" list in the userinfo.

♥

Sat, 08 Oct 2005 00:21:45 GMT

I'm thinking of getting a new el jay. I'm getting tired of this one. I'll keep it alive but... yeah.

So, like, leave a comment if you'd like to be added to the new one, when I get around to making it. It will be pretty soon.

xo

Thu, 06 Oct 2005 06:58:43 GMT

As much as I wishwishwish I'd been born in the 60's/70's...

Every day I find myself loving my generation and the general open-mindedness of my peers more and more.

And the idea of labelling myself under gender-fluidity is growing on me, incredibly. I want to challenge social ideals. I know I do. But still it's... fucking scary, to be honest. In a way, it would be more simple if I was to decide to be ftm or to just stay female and stick with it. I could just do it and get it over with and feel... secure.

Instead, I have to pick the tough road.

I'm so fucking... in love with my friends, though. And incredibly glad and grateful and... adoring. That the people in my social circle are so open and accepting and go out of their way to try to understand what I'm going through. That they're so willing to sit and let me just babble, talk at them, to try to help me figure it out. That they offer me their unquestioning support and try to lighten the situation with their beautiful humour.

God, see, look, I'm crying.

I'm just so... amazed.

Arenny, darling, your humour was muchmuchmuchly appreciated ♥ You made me laugh when I felt like I was falling apart and was ready to crawl away and cry, thank you, love (and p.s! check out Angel's most recent post for the continuation of the St Mungos thing, because we can't really do anything until you update Remy :P).

Lorcan and Myles and Nik and... everyone. Thank you all, so much. You're all such beautiful, fabulous people and I'm so glad to know you all.

Thu, 06 Oct 2005 06:13:52 GMT

I found this interesting.

Wed, 05 Oct 2005 10:11:35 GMT

God.

My sister is so totally tone deaf. She's sitting upstairs, on the other side of the house, and I can still hear her dreadful "singing".

She's totally butchering "Sugar, We're Going Down".

...I think I might cry :(

Sorry Pete, Pat, Andy and Joe. I tried to stop her, I really did.

Wed, 05 Oct 2005 08:38:11 GMT

Okay, fuck it. Really.

The whole gender issue is screwing with my head so bad. To the extent of having panic attacks again, which I haven't had (at least not really bad) since I moved into my dad's place.

So.

Fuck it.

I'm going to let things happen, and if I decide that I'm FtM, then rad. If not, also rad. I just can't let this fuck me up right now. I'm going to sit with being genderfluid. If I feel like being a boy for a day, then I will be, if I feel like being a girl the next day, I will. Fuck everyone and their social norms.

This song is making me feel good. It's my feel-good song of the moment. Everybody should download it.

Proud by Tegan & Sarah

xo ♥

Tue, 04 Oct 2005 02:13:42 GMT

So um.

Talking to Ash's buddy Eastyn the other day got me curious. And I couldn't sleep last night so I made a sort-of plan.

Ny currently looks like a very, very femme boy in a skirt.

Ny is going out looking like this.

Ny is very fucking nervous/excited about it.

My chest is going to get sore though, it feels weird, but exciting.

Ooooh.

Ny is currently shaking like a leaf.

xoxox

Mon, 03 Oct 2005 22:35:38 GMT

jdbuihcdsihvcvjb.

dhfbhgvds.

I'm not sure whether to laugh or cry, but I just fell off a cliff for this band.

The drums brought in the beginning of the song, adding rad guitar riffs and then vocals before the song really kicks off and... hfdbsdjkhfb.

I'm listening to Shut My Eyes.

*continues to make incoherent noises*

Mon, 03 Oct 2005 22:03:07 GMT

Ugh. Bugger you, Ashlyn. That was NOT FUNNY. Everyone knows very well that the first thing I do when I wake up is to check my cellphone and read any messages on it.

That was not funny while I was half-asleep.

Christ.

Give me a fucking heart-attack.

It's alright though, everything is dandy, so the rest of you darlings on my flist can go about your business and ignore this post ;)

xo

Mon, 03 Oct 2005 12:12:50 GMT

Bowie is, by far, the hottest Goblin King, ever.

Labrynth totally 0wns.

Mon, 03 Oct 2005 05:06:38 GMT

So yesterday was entertaining. If very weird.

Ash stayed on Saturday night. We spent lots of time talking to Matty on the phone/MSN/via email (a couple of times all three at the same time). We didn't get to sleep until 6am-ish, because we were watching some weird catholic-type movie, which I think was called "The Third Miricle".

Sunday, Matt came over (after Ash, my sister Tor, and I made pancakes) and we hung out, chatted to Eastyn online and played with the digicam (Matt is a camwhore).

And yeah, sunday was weird-ish because Matt was my best friend until I was eleven. We went to different intermediate (junior high) schools and lost contact, really. I've missed like six years of his life and it's weird. But awesome to be in touch with him again :D Yay.

Today I was bored. Cecelia showed up and hung out with her for about an hour and a half. In that hour and a half I got a makeout session, a sore lip (I made a smart comment and she bit my lip - hard), and an embarrassed sister (who walked into my room without knocking to find Ceece and I sprawled across my bed in the midst of a heated snog XD).

And now I'm going to go back to chatting on MSN/AIM.

xoxo

Stoled :P

Sat, 01 Oct 2005 02:53:19 GMT

10 Favorites...
Favorite Color: Green
Favorite Food: Ramen.
Favorite Band: Right now, it's Daphne Loves Derby ♥
Favorite Movie: The Velocity of Gary. Intense, real and romantic.
Favorite Sports: Soccer.
Favorite Season: Spring, everything is fresh and gorgeous.
Favorite Day of the Week: Sunday, because I get to do absolutely nothing (and hang out at Starbucks with my gemella).
Favorite Ice Cream Flavor: Cookies and cream.
Favorite Time of Day: Midnight.

9 Currents...
Current Mood: Content.
Current Taste: Coke.
Current Clothes: Black skirt, pink socks, green t-shirt ("this is my party shirt"), blue button-down (Liam's), black and red tie and blue sweater.
Current Computer Background: Ville Valo in fairylights.
Current Finger/Toenail Color: Au Naturale
Current Time: 2:27pm
Surroundings: Couple of boxes, bed, dresser, desk, stereo, CDs, stuffed animals, posters, closet, etc.
Current Annoyance(s): Nothin'.
Current Thought: Nothin', my mind is fantastically blank. ;)

8 Firsts...
First Best Friend: Yvette and Matty.
First Love: Adam/Kaila.
First Screen Name: hyper_mousi.
First Pet: Kitty called Yoyo.
First Piercing: Ears.
First Crush: Kelsey.
First Music: Abba, my mother listened to them.
First Car: N/A.

7 last...
Last Cigarette: About an hour ago.
Last Drink: See above.
Last Car Ride: Two days ago?
Last Text Message: This morning.
Last Movie Seen: Ummm... Chronicles of Riddick?
Last Phone call: Ash.
Last CD Played: currently: Move Along - All-American Rejects.

6 Have You Ever...
Have You Ever Dated One of Your Best Friends: Yeah.
Have You Ever Broken the Law: Yeah.
Have You Ever Been Arrested: Twice.
Have You Ever Skinny Dipped: Nope.
Have You Ever Been on TV: Nope.
Have You Ever Kissed Someone You Didn't Know: Once.

5 Things...
You're Wearing: Err. Skirt, tie, t-shirt, wristbands, socks.
You Did Last Night: Slept, read, chatted on AIM, watched Rockstar: INXS, smoked.
You Can't Live Without: Music, cigarettes, coffee, friends, eyeliner.
You Do When You're Bored: Play music, listen to music, write music, read, clean.

4 Places You've Been To Outside the US
Spain.
New York (because I don't live in the US so nyah).
N/A.
N/A.

3 People You Can Tell Anything
Ash.
N/A.
N/A.

2 Choices...
1. Black or White: Black.
2. Hot or Cold: Cold.

1 person you'd Do Anything For: My gemella, maybe.

Sat, 01 Oct 2005 01:38:15 GMT

Nyar. So.

Gryffindor won the house cup.

We (Slytherin) came third.

THIRD.

Christ.

Yes, I realize I am a gnerd/neek XD

Anyway, I'm currently lazing around my room with Deliya (laptop, duh), listening to All-American Reject's album Move Along, which I'm addicted to (especially this song) and talking to Arenny and Nijo on AIM.

xo

Fri, 30 Sep 2005 20:20:55 GMT

Huh.

I just realized... I haven't eaten since the 28th/29th.

Sort of funny, really.

Anyway, I'm making toast, so noone bother to do the lecture thing =\

xo

This thing floating around el Jay.

Fri, 30 Sep 2005 20:05:46 GMT

READ THIS AND ANSWER IT!
These are supposedly 26 questions that no one would ever think to ask. Answer them, then REPOST the bulletin:

1. When you look at yourself in the mirror, what's the first thing you look at?
Hair

2. How much cash do you have on you?
25c.

3. What's a word that rhymes with "TEST"?
Arrest? Nest? Lest? Caressed? XDDD

4. Favorite plant?
Trees.

5. Who is the 4th person on your missed call list on your cell phone?
Sam.

6. What is your main ring tone on your phone?
Dive To Blue - L'Arc~en~Ciel and Jibun Kakumei - Miyavi.

7. What shirt are you wearing?
Black AC/DC bandshirt.

8. Do you "label" yourself, could you?
No, ugh.

9. Name the brand of your shoes you're currently wearing?
None.

10. Bright or Dark Room?
Dark.

11. What do you think about the person who took this survey before you?
I loveth her.

12. Ever "spilled the beans"?
Probably.

13. What were you doing at midnight last night?
Sleeping (I went to bed early 'cause I had a headache).

14. What did your last text message you received on your cell phone say?
"Awake?". From Aron. It's tradition.

15. Do you ever click on "Pop Ups" or Banners?
Nah.

16. What's a saying that you say a lot?
"Bollocks".

17. Who told you they loved you last?:
Idk?

18. Last furry thing you touched?
XD My dog.

19. How Many Drugs Have You Done In The Past Three Days?
Tobacco.

2o. How many rolls of film do you need to get developed?
None.

21. Favorite age you have been so far?
7.

22. Your worst enemy?:
I don't have any enemies at this point?

23 What is your current desktop picture?
Ville Valo in fairylights. XD

24. What was the last thing you said to someone?
"M'ning..." (muttered to my sister, Tori, who is always up at like, dawn).

25. If you had to choose between a million bucks or to be able to change a major regret, which would it be?
The money.

26. Do you love/ like someone?
Not romantically. At least, not at this point.

Thu, 29 Sep 2005 06:08:30 GMT

I've just spent ten minutes standing in my doorway and looking.

The sun is setting, and it makes everything look beautiful. I've been admiring the way it lights the blossoming flowers of the cherry tree in my garden, and how it sets the green of the tree beside it off to a summery colour that offsets the pink of the cherry blossoms and makes everything look gorgeous. The way the bees are buzzing about their business, the sparrows and blackbirds are fluttering about the branches and the breeze is ruffling the leaves.

Sometimes you just need to take a moment, you know? Sometimes the beauty makes my heart ache.

I love spring.

xo

Thu, 29 Sep 2005 04:19:20 GMT

So I'm finally over my writer's block (credit to All-American Rejects for helping me through it XD). I just spent an hour laying out the concrete outside in the sun with a coffee, six cigarettes and my notebook.

I just got down five pages worth of lyrics and put down some guitar riffs that sound really rad in my head. I'm gonna have to get my dad's girlf to bring over my acoustic so I can try 'em and get hold of Sean to borrow his bass for a bit, because as you all know, I adore bass and I have some wicked ideas in my head right now (and in my notebook).

I am a content little camper.

xo

[edit:]

Oh, and Courtnay is now on my livejournal friends list. Like woah, the world is a strange place now.

And Arenny, darling, marry me? You can be my third little wifey? xoxo

Thu, 29 Sep 2005 01:33:09 GMT

Wear leather pants and listen to Nirvana and you, too, can become a Saviour of the Wizarding World!

(ignore me, this fanfic is fucking awesome XD)

Wed, 28 Sep 2005 22:26:35 GMT

Anybody who has AIM, add me, I'm bored as fuck:

heyxtheredelilah

xo

Wed, 28 Sep 2005 08:39:12 GMT

I need to use my LJ as a listkeep, so ignore this post if you like ;) (I'm on [my] laptop, Deliya, so I need linkness)

RoseMatter
LastPageFirst
Zach Fischer Band
Lydia

Wed, 28 Sep 2005 07:17:31 GMT

My day really sort-of sucked.

So, Ash, I sort of lied when I said my day was boring. =\

Sam woke me up by calling my cell at 6-something this morning. I answered, mumbled "F'koff" and tossed my phone across the room. Cecelia then called me at like 8-something, and I talked to her a bit while Sam muttered in the background about how fucking rude I always am to him (which is not true, and he knows it, but we've both been feeling crappy so we've been at each other's throats lately). Ceece then somehow convinced me that going out was a good idea.

It wasn't, really.

I went out with Cecelia, Sam, Camryn and Evett, to Lys (cafe). Spent about an hour there before a couple of dickhead guys came over and started to hassle us (apparently they'd met Ev and Ceece before). People really need to start getting creative with their insults, because they get old fast. I'm particularly sick of hearing the word "fag".

Anyway, Sam ended up decking one of them. We all got tossed out (with a sympathetic word from the darling queer-friendly manager) and left town pretty damn quick.

I really fucking hate people sometimes.

Now the guys (Ev, Sam, Cam, Drew, Simon and Robbie) have buggered off on a spur-of-the-moment road-trip to god knows where. I highly suspect they've gone to Auckland, actually.

I can't wait to get back to Welly in (now) January. Meh.

And then I get home and my dad is being a complete prick.

I'm tired.

Renny, darling, we still love you, so deal. You're not getting rid of us that easy, sugar. *xoxox*

And *hugsnkisses* to Kia.

xo

Tue, 27 Sep 2005 06:31:52 GMT

Meh, my appetite has been off lately. Not really dramatically, just slightly. I've only eaten some scrambled eggs, and only because I cooked them for Ash and me for lunch.

I got Dresden Dolls, Shihad and Lostprophets music today from my gemella, too. And we got to talk to Aren, who is a sweetheart despite everything. The gender-ness of that situation is totally screwing with Ash's head XD Whereas I've been learning to disregard gender almost entirely, really. It gets confusing about which words to use sometimes, I think.

I wonder how my family and friends would feel/react if I really did go through with the whole FtM thing? Right now I'll just stick to being... curious, I think.

I then got a call on my cell about three quaters of an hour ago. From Tia. Which is just another example of my I'm not interested in relationships right now. They're just so damn messy.

So today was good, on the whole.

XD My popomundo.com character, Michael, is now "Wanted" in Amsterdam, lmfao.

I feel like RP'ing. Maybe I'll go join another RP, because UH has been... slow lately.

Alright, well I'm going to have a cigarette.

xo

Mon, 26 Sep 2005 08:41:00 GMT

You know what will always amuse me?

That my sisters, the two I'm blood-related to, Ray and Tori, and I are so incredibly different.

I: Punk. Live, breathe, eat punk. And emo and indie and ska and rock. I have a secure group of friends and like to surround myself with people like me, who have similar interests (or are queer) and my own "unique" taste in clothing.

Ray: Hip hop. R&B. She follows fashion, is a label whore and changes her friends as often as she changes her underwear.

Tori: Goth. Hardcore. She has a fondness for black and deathmetal. People think she's a weirdo and she has few friends.

And now I'm going to have a cigarette.

xo

Mon, 26 Sep 2005 07:29:49 GMT

My playlist right now:

it ends tonight - all-american rejects
satellites - cherry monroe
a kiss won't make this better - lorene drive
foreign language - anberlin
the wonder years - daphne loves derby
day late friend - anberlin
speak up - june
fall - between home and serenity
i wish - cherry monroe
tranquility - between home and serenity
i'm waiting - all-american rejects
just enough to love - bayside
straightjacket feeling - all-american rejects
paperthin hymn - anberlin
just another day - bayside
night drive - all-american rejects
hopeless love - daphne loves derby
patrick - june
dirty little secret - all-american rejects
just a phase - between home and serenity
heartbreak for six seasons - daphne loves derby
words unspoken - between home and serenity
top of the world - all-american rejects
a song in the key of sex - lorene drive
stab my back - all-american rejects
dance inside - all-american rejects
move along - all-american rejects
change your mind - all-american rejects
makers and breakers - daphne loves derby
masterpiece - bayside
time and confusion - anberlin
can't take it - all-american rejects
can't explain - cherry monroe
never take friendship personal - anberlin
kill your lover - lorene drive
at the stars - cherry monroe
devotion and desire - bayside
11:11 pm - all-american rejects
my side of the story - june

I highly, highly recommend you all check out those bands. I have fantastic taste in music, I know noone will argue there, and I adore all of the above bands. Particularly:

Anberlin
Daphne Loves Derby
Cherry Monroe

And the new All-American Rejects album isn't half bad, either. Less... popxcore.

Yeah, I've spent my day being a download whore.

xo

[edit:]

just a pee.ees. for my three SS4Q babes (Ash, Emma and Brendonny): Mattie posted a... well, thing. I dunno what it's called. A notice? Anyway, check out the SS4Q MSN site for details on the Dec-Reunion ;) much loves!

Gackt-rant... XD

Mon, 26 Sep 2005 01:47:08 GMT

I'm stuck in a sort of subdued excitement right now.

I have Gackt's new album, DIABOLOS.

And it's beautiful. XD As if we expected any less, right? God, I know it's sad, but hearing new work from Gackt is like... always fresh, but always familiar. It's like... a lover returning from a long trip.

Gackt is timeless.

As I'm sure many would agree.

I was aware he had a new album coming out, but I didn't know when. I was browsing through JRock MP3 LJs and happened across the link of the download and was like, "Oh, cool, I'm getting that" - which just proves I've come down a bit from my childlike excitability when it comes to albums, because a couple of years ago I'd have been jumping and sqealing and so on and so fourth.

Christ, I love Gackt. Like I said, he's timeless. He flows with the times, for example, gets punkier, rockier, indier, but he always sounds like Gackt. It's the same with L'Arc~en~Ciel. And the lyrics are always beautiful, the music is always pieced together like a piece of art, and the songs always gel.

I'm always going to savour some enthusiasm for JRock. I'm always going to adore it, just like I'll always adore the intricacies of music.

Oooh, see? I have goosebumps XD

xoxoxo